(translated to English by me, my original text in Ukrainian: https://olgaromanchuk.blogspot.com/2016/10/hotel-soul.html)
Monday, August 15, 2022
Hotel "Soul"
...You open the door and enter into my soul with such a look as if you are doing me a favour. You walk with dirty feet on the perfectly cleaned carpets and sit down in the chair, throwing your feet on the table. I want to call the police and finally kick you out, but I’m sorry, I forgot, I personally gave you all the keys. You're a rightful resident here, just like the others. I wouldn't mind placing you in the best apartment with a seaview. You have the biggest room, by the way. Some people are cramped and live in pairs or threes. Some people sleep in the corridor on the carpet, but even there it’s comfortable for them. You never seem to be satisfied. The colors of the bedsheets are not matching, or there's a hole in the wall from a nail you hammered in there a week ago. And I don't say a word. In fact, I like even such your visits. Your room is just too big and when it's empty, no one wants to move in. Everyone gets bored here and the drawings you had left on the walls are getting on everyone’s nerves. Sometimes I've tried to paint them out and make a few people move in, but they couldn’t stand too much space, and they all went back to their tiny cozy little rooms somewhere on the lower floors. The worst of all, when you go, you never close the door. I'm sick of it! A draft is created, and it's not good for me at all. I get cold almost immediately, I have to run around looking for heaters because the room is big and the ceiling is three meters high, so it can't be heated up in five seconds. But I can't close the door, even if I want to. You always come back. You say something about the fact that you will definitely move, and that you're very glad you finally found such a beautiful apartment. And then you go away again, without a word, to look at least one eye, if your old bed in the dormitory is free. Because there's a cat left. And how can you live without a cat? You got used to him, you want to take him with you, but he won't let you. Because he's old, one-eyed, and sick with cancer, always had been. He scratches your hands off when you touch him because he wants you to feel pain like he feels. And you keep going back and forth. And you don't close the door. You know, I think I need to order bricks and brick up the entrance. I don't need all this. I will have that room, but won't ever let anyone go inside. That's the way I'll choose, to place everyone in the corridor, while having a huge bricked-up room somewhere close to my heart. It's easier to live like this than it is for you to euthanize your cat so the animal doesn't suffer, and to get a new, healthy one.
Tuesday, August 2, 2022
I liked myself better when I was a kid...
When I was a kid, I used to think that heaven is where the sun is. It seemed to me, that the sun shines so bright to hide God and angels from us. When I was a kid, I used to believe that if I don't fall asleep till midnight, a scary boogeyman will come and take me away. And it was my biggest fear (besides mom's anger) - in other situations I was fearless.
I used not to be afraid to climb a tall tree, and I did not understand why my granny was crying when she saw me on it. "Grandma, but I'm so high!" - I shouted, and laughed loud and happy. Back then I was really high. And now I'm at the bottom, even if I climb that tall tree again.
I used not to be afraid to hang upside down on a horizontal bar. I used not to be afraid to catch a jellyfish with bare hands in the sea. I used not to be afraid of what people would say when I was walking around the city in clothes that were simply too loose for me. I used not to be afraid to tell the truth about the elders at the family dinner when no one was expecting it. I didn't understand what was wrong with the truth? Well... I still don't. Probably I'm still not fully grown up.
When I was a kid, I used to steal felt-tip pens from my older sister, and I didn't close them after using, My sister was very angry at me, she was in general very angry that she had to take care of me - but I wanted to be like her more than anything else. So then I used to cry not because she punished me, but because I let her down and she never let anyone down.
When I was a kid, it was impossible to ask me to go for a walk, and then - to take me back home. I often used to injure my knees, scrape my elbows, and in general, my walks never ended without battle scars. It is so strange that now everything is the same, only the wounds are not physical.
And the housing problem was so easy to solve! Cover the table with a blanket - and you have a house. Here is the kitchen, here is the bed, and here is the favorite toy - a big, scary teddy bear. What else is needed for happiness? And "money" could always be plucked from the walnut-tree that grew under the windows.
When I was a kid, I loved listening how my dad reads fairy tales. He had done it once in many months when he was coming from business trips, which seemed eternal. But these were the best moments of childhood.
When I was a kid, my cat was also a small kitten and could fit in my dad's palm. Basically, we grew up together, but what's now? Cat got old and completely crazy. What about me? The same thing - got old and crazy.
But when I was a kid...When we all were kids, everything seemed so beautiful. The colors on the mother's dress were extremely bright, the ice cream was incredibly sweet, and you wanted to live and didn't even think that there is tomorrow. Let the one who leads you by the hand think about this, and you only sob and shout that you will cross the road alone, because you are already an adult. Now it's so scary to go alone, that it brings tears to your eyes, but no one will wipe them away except you.
Happiness is when you still have someone who holds your hand. When there is someone to hug and share all the feelings. When you know that you have a home, and home is not a place of residence. This is a place where someone is waiting for you and where you are always welcome. Happiness is when you can think. When you have arms and legs. And when you can remember your illuminated by paradise childhood, where the biggest sorrow is to miss cartoons, and the biggest fears are boogeymen and mom's anger.
I used not to be afraid to climb a tall tree, and I did not understand why my granny was crying when she saw me on it. "Grandma, but I'm so high!" - I shouted, and laughed loud and happy. Back then I was really high. And now I'm at the bottom, even if I climb that tall tree again.
I used not to be afraid to hang upside down on a horizontal bar. I used not to be afraid to catch a jellyfish with bare hands in the sea. I used not to be afraid of what people would say when I was walking around the city in clothes that were simply too loose for me. I used not to be afraid to tell the truth about the elders at the family dinner when no one was expecting it. I didn't understand what was wrong with the truth? Well... I still don't. Probably I'm still not fully grown up.
When I was a kid, I used to steal felt-tip pens from my older sister, and I didn't close them after using, My sister was very angry at me, she was in general very angry that she had to take care of me - but I wanted to be like her more than anything else. So then I used to cry not because she punished me, but because I let her down and she never let anyone down.
When I was a kid, it was impossible to ask me to go for a walk, and then - to take me back home. I often used to injure my knees, scrape my elbows, and in general, my walks never ended without battle scars. It is so strange that now everything is the same, only the wounds are not physical.
And the housing problem was so easy to solve! Cover the table with a blanket - and you have a house. Here is the kitchen, here is the bed, and here is the favorite toy - a big, scary teddy bear. What else is needed for happiness? And "money" could always be plucked from the walnut-tree that grew under the windows.
When I was a kid, I loved listening how my dad reads fairy tales. He had done it once in many months when he was coming from business trips, which seemed eternal. But these were the best moments of childhood.
When I was a kid, my cat was also a small kitten and could fit in my dad's palm. Basically, we grew up together, but what's now? Cat got old and completely crazy. What about me? The same thing - got old and crazy.
But when I was a kid...When we all were kids, everything seemed so beautiful. The colors on the mother's dress were extremely bright, the ice cream was incredibly sweet, and you wanted to live and didn't even think that there is tomorrow. Let the one who leads you by the hand think about this, and you only sob and shout that you will cross the road alone, because you are already an adult. Now it's so scary to go alone, that it brings tears to your eyes, but no one will wipe them away except you.
Happiness is when you still have someone who holds your hand. When there is someone to hug and share all the feelings. When you know that you have a home, and home is not a place of residence. This is a place where someone is waiting for you and where you are always welcome. Happiness is when you can think. When you have arms and legs. And when you can remember your illuminated by paradise childhood, where the biggest sorrow is to miss cartoons, and the biggest fears are boogeymen and mom's anger.
(translated to English by me, my original text in Ukrainian: https://olgaromanchuk.blogspot.com/2017/06/blog-post_29.html )
Photo by Henri Cartier-Bresson, https://www.murielwines.com/en/news/cartier-bresson-capturing-essence-wine#
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